i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
