He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
