I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i wish my penis had a tongue
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
