my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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