"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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