How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
