I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
