My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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