did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
