eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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