I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize