my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Semen is not good for contacts.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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