If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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