you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
