Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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