Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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