can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize