dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
