first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He? As in you personified your dick?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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