i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
