if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
