Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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