The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Pants are for mortals
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
