Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
