Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
