Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
