Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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