Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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