Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
