He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
