Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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