I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
