Can Purell be used as lube?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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