For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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