i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
