I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just gift wrapped bread.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
