I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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