I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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