We named our party play list daddy issues
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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