opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I did not marry a roomba.
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