I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
