i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize