Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
