Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
