It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
