I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
