there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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