guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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