Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
