he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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