just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
