Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
