I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think my moral compass just broke
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