i think my mom watched the whole time
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Send help, water and tortillas.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
