well you can't waste a boner
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
