Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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