Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
