it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Sext me about skeletons
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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