Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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