Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize