My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
