My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
