My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
