then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
