dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
