that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
