sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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