I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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