honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
