She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
